i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
