its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
