remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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