Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
