I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
