um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize