I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
