I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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