dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
