Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
