i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
