What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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