That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
