Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
