my shit smells like andre
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
