after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize