When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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