Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My life is pants optional.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
