I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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