i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
