Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
