there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
