Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
