ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
