I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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