its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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