I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize