p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im six kinds of drunk right now
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
