if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your penis caused this!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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