I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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