I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
