You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Are we still banned from the library?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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