My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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