Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
