So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
