reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
