my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
