dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
