I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
