He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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