But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
