I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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