I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
