I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
