the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
