It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
