You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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