I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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