Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
