People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
