i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
