My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
