if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
