; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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