im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
