everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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