he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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