we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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