Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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