If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
