do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
