Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
