Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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