Buhtt sex?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
