12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize