Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
