If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
