I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
