i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
