I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You don't make any sense
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