DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
