I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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