I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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