Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
