Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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