guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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