I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is Oprah even human
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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