Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
