I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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