Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
