she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
