did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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