I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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