did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
