Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize