Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
