well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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