Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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