my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
