so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize