hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Welp...herpes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
